Raising a Parent: What About Tomorrow?

Citation

Weeks, S. (2012), "Raising a Parent: What About Tomorrow?", Working with Older People, Vol. 16 No. 1, pp. 45-46. https://doi.org/10.1108/wwop.2012.16.1.45.1

As a widely published academic, Aaron Liberman's most recent book is perhaps something of a departure, as he addresses his changing role – as a son who, with the support of his wife and other family members, attempts to “make sense” of the process of caring for his mother, in her later years.

Dr Liberman's paperback runs to a mere 184 pages, but this superficially unprepossessing book has been cleverly tailored to its market. As it chronicles a 22‐year journey, any reader will doubtless find echoes from within aspects of their own life. This is an important document as it is quite probably relevant to us all.

The statistics alone spell out the magnitude of the logistics, with the estimate that by 2016 up to 70 million Americans will be dealing with an aging relative. That percentage will presumably be proportionately similar in the UK, and reflects the global development of increasing life‐expectancy.

The format certainly lends itself, over 21 chapters, to the developing nature of the narrative, as life changes affect members in closely‐knit families. From the introductory first chapter, the reader is drawn to the highly readable style of writing, which is both conversational and informative. Similarly paragraphs can be tellingly honest and open, as when:

[…] certain circumstances inevitably triggered responses from me that, in retrospect, were not always the best I had to offer […] (p. 17)

and such revelations are used to try to establish patterns of behaviour, or facilitate a learning process. This is achieved by using referenced “recommendations”, which are then accessibly indexed in the poignant final chapter. Before that conclusion, events move inexorably forward, until the 17th chapter has the stark title, The End. The catalogued later life of a mother draw to a close, including the memorable note that Mrs Liberman passed away 42 years and one day after her husband.

The ensuing chapters consider “The trip home”, “A special thought” and “How to grieve – when to grieve” before “A concluding thought” offers a few pertinent acknowledgements. Often lives are unrecorded, many certainly less well than here, which is really an object lesson in drawing together a manuscript which:

[…] was first contemplated when I recognized that my Mother would not live much longer. Hence, this book, in truth, is both about “living” and “dying.” The book was deemed to be a necessary expression of my thoughts about her life and its meaning to our family and how we would remember her […] (p. 175).

The final recommendation is that by writing down thoughts and emotions the process will provide therapeutic benefits. Thought‐provoking, openly and honestly written, this is a testament to a lady perhaps not many readers knew, but will provide some sort of structured framework for others in their time of loss.

It would be clearly impossible to write a definitive textbook to enable every adult to offer care for an older parent. However, by reviewing personal experiences and insights, it is highly likely that this is a crucial first step on the way to offering constructive support and information, and to perhaps make the experience a more beneficial one for all concerned. I have personally found it very useful over the past few months, and am confident that others will too.